“Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable. Be honest and transparent anyway.”
When you’re going through recovery it can be tempting to want to put your best foot forward and hide the ugly as you try to repair relationships and rebuild your life. You want to prove to your loved ones that you are a changed person.
But as backwards as it may seem, the best way to repair relationships is by humbling yourself and being completely honest with them about what you’re going through, what you’ve been hiding, and how much you’re struggling. Why? Because connection develops between two people when they feel heard, known, and understood. And you can’t feel this way if you’re not vulnerable.
When we expose our secrets and completely open up to another person, we are offering them our heart in the realist version it comes in. We are offering them the core of who we are. Which is usually what we’re afraid of. What if they think I’m ugly inside? What if they don’t love who I am?
But you’d be surprised at how much of a positive impact this can have on a relationship. And even if they don’t react in a positive way, it really is the only way to heal.
It’s okay to be angry, and it’s okay to be sad. In fact, many people feel closer to each other after a big fight because their anger finally pushes them into saying what they’ve really been feeling the whole time, but didn’t say because they didn’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings.
Although we want to point out that it’s much easier to come through feeling close to one another if you’re fighting fair rather than attacking each other with low blows.
So give it a go. Try being completely honest and see how it affects your relationship.